The Unborn Movie Review

The Unborn

Movie Review

“Abort! Abort! No longer a phrase exclusively used by submarine commanders.” I think this would have made a fitting tag line for The Unborn, a movie which is as unintentionally funny as it is hackneyed.

The film itself isn't actually about abortion. Casey Beldon (played by Odette Yustman) is a college student who in true horror movie fashion likes to run alone, take lots of showers and walk around in her tighty whiteys (see poster above) whenever the mood takes her. After she starts having strange nightmares she finds out that she had a twin who died before he was born. No points for guessing that the twin (Jumby to his friends) is somehow trying to kill her. Cue lots of running in the dark with flashlights.

I don't pretend to know much about the writing of screenplays, but one thing I do know is that they are supposed to unfold more slowly than, say, your average TV advertisement. Not so with this movie. The plot, such as it is, comes on strong from the very first scene. This might not seem like a problem, but the rapidly moving storyline is being used to mask tracing paper thin characters and a plot which relies purely on jump scares to create tension.

Before I go any further I just want to point out that I am aware that characterisations which would fall down in a stiff breeze have long been a mainstay of the horror genre. Usually though, there is some bone thrown to the audience, be it the slacker student just wanting to get away from things for spring break or the timid girl who finds her inner strength during the course of the goriest camping trip ever.

The Unborn however, offers none of this. What do we know about Casey? She is a student, but is she a good one, bad, indifferent? What does she study? The one interesting attribute which could have saved her, a mother who went mental when she was young, is used as a plot point when it would have served much better to develop her character, or lack thereof. The end result is a character who I would have happily seen have her limbs turned into piles of kindling for my amusement.

There are only two actors worth mentioning. Gary Oldman earns his presumably large paycheck playing a Rabbi and Meagan Good, as Casey’s best friend gets all the best lines and what’s more, some of them seem to be knowingly funny. The rest just serve to move plot.

What other problems? A list is the only way to fit everything in. The film revels in the horror clichés that Scream satirised. People go hunting around for the source of electrical failures, when they really should know better. They walk unbelievably slowly towards disturbances which are better left the hell alone and ignore obscure, oblique warnings like, “if you try to help her, he will kill you”. I mean, who could be expected to distill meaning from such a cryptic clue?

Script wise, character development is heavy handed (an old lady who survived the holocaust answers her door clutching a star of David and sporting one of the worst accents since Johnny Depp in From Hell), and the writers do a good job of creating a thin yet confusing storyline. Characters disappear into black holes for large portions of the script, making it difficult to care about their eventual demise. A case in point is Casey’s father, who is transported to another world after he has served his expository purpose and explained whatever happened to baby Jumby. Discrepancies like this make you wonder whether the final script draft was written in crayon.

Easily the most enjoyable portion of the movie was the “gloryhole” scene (don't ask). The fact that more than one audience member was laughing during it should tell you all you need to know about this stinker of a film.

Only see this movie if you don't care about plot, characters, a cohesive storyline or being scared beyond loud noises mixed with quick camera cuts. In short, The Unborn is a movie the seed of which should have been extinguished in the creative womb.

Despite critical pummeling’s though, The Unborn is performing quite well at the box office, and the ending leaves the way clear for a sequel, so watch this space for the review of the straight to DVD “The Unborn 2: Jumby goes to Africa”.

2/10